"Love is being still enough to feel all that is going on inside you and then learning how to acknowledge and accept what you feel"- Iyanla Vanzant
Last night my friend and I got on the topic of LOVE! I am not sure how we actually got on this topic but we had a great discussion about love. I have to admit I am obsessed with love songs, love stories, and anything that about the topic of love...Everyday I post a love song on my facebook page because I believe that I should promote self love and hopefully people will recognize this and spread their love wings to everyone else in their circle.
Right now I'm reading "In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want" by Iyanla Vanzant. This book is a wonderful book and each page speaks directly to me and makes my eyes flow with tears of pain and joy. She gives various examples of how she searched for love in relationships with different people and it reminded me of myself and my quest for love. So many times we look for love in our daily lives and we fell to find it, this leads to continued disappointment which allows us to believe that we are unworthy of love. But that is far from the truth...we should never search for love in others without discovering the love we have in ourselves. The reality is that we can not get love from the outside with discovering the love on the inside! So many times we get into relationships looking for love, happiness, peace, etc...when we have not even tried to find these things in ourselves. Before we get into any kind of relationship we should love our self and be happy with our self. If not we will suffer because we will not even know what love is and we will accept anything for the sake of "love". Once you find that love in yourself that brings that inner peace, your search for love in someone else is not that important.
It took me a while to truly discover what "love" is...I believed if someone made sacrifices for you it was love, if someone "accepted" your flaws it was love, if someone told you that you were beautiful it was love....But I was wrong...At first I was disappointed that I failed at my attempt to find love...then I realized that I didn't fail but I was actually on a quest to find out what love was. Sometimes on your quest you will run into people who you believe at first then find out the truth later...but a lesson learned is never a mistake. Now when I go into any relationship I will not go into it looking for love but bringing love with me. I will keep my values, my life, my purposes, my goals, my respect, my excitement, most importantly I will keep myself. I will not let love uproot me and turn my life upside down ever again, I will not let love keep me away from friends, I will not love force me into false ideologies and beliefs, I will not let love abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally...I will let love bring a purpose, vision, values and most importantly happiness.
"The truth is that love is buried in your soul, and no relationship with anyone can unearth it or activate it in your life"- Iynala Vanzant
The first time ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave To the dark and the end of the skies The first time ever I kissed your mouth I felt the earth move in my hand Like the trembling heart of a captive bird That was there at my command...my love The first time ever I lay with you And felt your heart so close to mine And I knew our joy would fill the earth And last 'til the end of time...my love
Synopsis: In 1976, after years of mysterious absence, Marcus returns to the Philadelphia neighborhood where he came of age in the midst of the Black Power movement. While his arrival raises suspicion among his family and former neighbors, he finds acceptance from his old friend Patricia and her daughter. However, Marcus quickly finds himself at odds with the organization he once embraced, whose members suspect he orchestrated the slaying of their former comrade-in-arms. In a startling sequence of events, Marcus must protect a secret that could shatter everyone's beliefs as he rediscovers his forbidden passion for Patricia.
Anyone who reads my blog or has any connection to me knows that I am an indy film junkie. I love indy movies because the passion from the charactes is utterly amazing and sends chills up my spine....This movie was great...shorter than I thought it would be though! I have to give much respect for first time director Tanya Hamilton a beautiful Black woman who wrote and directed this film. The soundtrack for this movie is one of the best soundtracks I have ever heard in a movie. I am still debating between Slumdog's soundtrak and this one! The music is a mixture of soul, blues, and hip hop courtesy of Philly's own The Roots.
This film is based on a cast of characters who all had or still have involvment in the Black Panther Party. The charaters have changed and some have grew out of the movement which breeds some resentment and emotions amongst everyone. Anthony Mackie is brilliant in this film, he is very intense and serious throughout the film and you can actually feel the love he has for Kerry Washington even though he never mentions it. Kerry Washington is very sweet in the movie but she has a sterness when it comes to old ideas of the party because she is not with them anymore. Kerry Washington is also a loving mother and community lawyer who helps individuals with their cases, feeds children in the community, while also being a loving and protective mother. Even though Kerry isn't with the Panthers anymore she still embodies many of their beliefs about giving back to the community. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Kerry and Anthony let down their walls and actually make love. The love scene is so beautiful and romantic that you forget all the serious issues that are happening in the movie.
If you have not seen this movie then you should make your way to the theater and check it out. Firstly, the director and cast is all Black so we should support our Black film makers who are actually making film, secondly, the movie is fantastic and the actors/actresses are moving, thirdly the soundtrack is dope and you will be jamming in the movies.
My friend Iresha is a dope sista! She came up with brilliant idea for us and whoever wants join us to go out to Lancaster Avenue and hand out inspirational reading materials to Black women. We will be doing this every other Saturday (weather permitting) in different locations around Philadelphia! We hope to inspire many Black women to love, learn, give, and hope! Many times we preach to the choir about certain issues, but what about the people who are not on the choir, who ever finds them. This is our mission to find the "average" sista walking down the street with her children, from the grocery store, on her way to work etc...I normally would say I hope everything works out...but an idea this beautiful only can work out! If you are in the Philly area please join us and if you are not in the area think about how you can reach your sistas!
There are times when I close my mouth and hold my breath because I am afraid for someone to even here me breathe let alone speak! I battle with myself over this...I feel like I have many great thoughts, ideas, visions, dreams, etc...that I can tell people about. My insecurities hold me back from achieving greatness and probably from inspiring others. Throughout my life I had to deal with all my insercurities and feelings of not being "good" enough. At one point I hated my freckles, my hair, my hairy legs, my feet, my voice, and so many other qualities about myself....I have now come to the point where I love myself and my body most of the time! After having a baby, my stomach was not what it was and for a while even up to now I still struggle with this issue but I remind myself that I am beautiful every day. It's so important as Black women that we do remind ourselves and each other of how beautiful we are because society tells us to hate ourselves for who we really are. I'm tired of being insecure and holding back, I want to be free and be able to say how I feel without being afraid of what may happen. I want to be able to scream to the top of my lungs and stomp hard with the soles of my feet. I want to break free from all these insecure ways and stop doubting myself...I want to be me. I hold a light in my heart and in 2011 I will let it shine.....Peace
Time has passed so much since I wrote my last blog entry. I have done some things and watched a few good movies. I really missed my blog...this is my outlet. I need to take time to write on my blog at least a few times a week!! Im on my phone typing this write now so hopefully everything is spelled correctly!! Anyway I cant wait until the new year because I will be updating and doing some new things with my life and of course my blog... Stay tuned I have movie reviews, random blogs, and some touching stories to share. Peace
Black woman why are you sad, why are you steadily doubting yourself, why are you crying, why are you pretending to be happy? Black women have so many issues to face in the world we live in from sexism, racism, negative imagery, and everything else under the sun. This is the reason why it is so important that we take time to reflect on why we are great and to love ourselves. Self love is so essential to living a prosperous and beautiful life, yet so many Black women do not truly love their selves. I am no different from any other Black woman I have struggled and still struggle with this concept of loving myself and learning to understand myself more clearly. A lot of Black women have been in relationships that tore up whatever self esteem they had and left them filling lower than low. A lot of Black women are constantly trying to fight stereotypes of being a hoe, a bad mother, a ghetto chick, and a welfare baby mama. Even when we we aren't any of these things we find ourselves being constantly labeled one of these titles. Sometimes it seems as if the whole world is against Black women, the media constantly shows us as promiscuous women who will sleep with anyone who has a nice car and clothes. Many Black men degrade us by mental, physical, and emotional abuse then leave us to raise children alone. Some of our parents have never been in our lives and to top it all off our employers look at us differently. How can we survive in a world of such hatred towards us, how can we maintain our sanity and find happiness when so many things are against us....Where do we go??
It is so important that Black women start loving their selves and in turn start loving our sisters....let's stop staring at each other because of our clothes, hair, man, or other bull shit materialistic things. Instead replace that icy glare with a beautiful smile and a warm hello! Lets start building with our sisters, have sister circles where a group of women can come together and talk about anything without feeling ashamed. bell hooks speak on the importance of these type of circles because this is where we can come together and let go all of our pain and sorrow. Start a book club where inspirational books are read each week to build our spirits higher. Tell your sisters they are beautiful so they can get used to hearing it without it coming from a man! Lastly, never judge your sister always have a open heart and open mind to listen to her problems.
Cause you're beautiful like a flower
More valuable than a diamond
You are powerful like a fire
You can heal the world with your mind
There is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you, who are beautiful
Yeah you, who are brilliant
Yeah you, who are powerful
Yeah you, who are resilient
American Violet is a powerful movie and shows the realities of the injustices of our legal system. In American Violet a young single Black mother of four is wrongly accused of selling drug in a school zone. She is forced to plead guilty because she has to go home and take care of her children and is scared to face the judge who may sentence her to 16-25 years. I don't really want to tell the whole movie because I would prefer if everyone would watch this movie because it is based on a true story but we all know how corrupt the system is.
This Saturday I was at a demonstration for Askia Sabur who was beat by the police and then jailed after he had to recieve stitches in his head. This story is not an unfamiliar story in the Black community, I have seen the police harass countless Black women, men, and even our children. Just last week there were eight white officers standing outside a Black middle/high school claiming there was supposed to be a fight after school!! Their presence was very intimidating to many of the students, teachers, and parents...many people thought something had happened already! The harrassment of police officers is a on going problem and sometimes it looks as if there is no end to the abuse. The reality is cops are cops it does not matter if they are Black or white because Black cops are sometimes worse than their white counterparts!!
The question is what are we suppossed to do when police harass us?? This is not ever going to be an easy answer but its important for Black people to have some knowledge about the law and know what we are legally allowed to do and cops have no right to change the laws. If a cop is harrassing you take the BADGE NUMBER this is important many cops believe Black folks do not have any sense about what to do when they are being harrassed. If someone has a camera, phone, or any other recording device make sure to record the situation...this is evidence!! Most importantly remain calm because these damn cops will charge you with disorderly conduct/disturbing the peace and do not threaten the officer because threatning an officer is a crime!! It is important that we do all we can to expose these crooked cops and their racist legal system, we should never sit back and act as if it is not happening. Report every single cop that harrasses you and please make sure you keep all paperwork from the reporting process so you can follow up and stay on their behinds! Most importantly educate yourself about this legal system because in reality cops do not know a damn thing about the legal system they are just puppets for the courts, lawyers, and politicians!
Sometimes I sit back and wonder about this thing called love. Why is it when you are in love you experience some of the most painful situations you have ever been through? Talking with a few of my lady friends who happen to be married, dating, and single I have heard so many hurtful stories about the men in their lives. One of my friends talked about not hearing from her boyfriend for weeks for no apparent reason and she questioned why her? Another one of my friends talked about the confusion that she was feeling from a guy who said he liked her but acted otherwise. I don't understand how so many women do so much for the men in their lives and many times get so little in return. Black women take care of so many people in our lives from our mothers, fathers, children, sisters, brothers, and of course our men...but who is there for us when we need to be catered to? Many times black women need a shoulder to cry on, a ear that is willing to listen, a friend that wants to give good advice, but many times we don't have these support systems and many times we are afraid to show are "weak" side. As a black women I have seen many of my fellow sisters hurt by men, I have witnessed to many crying, fighting, and complaining over men. It's time that we begin to get rid of negativity in our lives including the men and begin to put ourselves first. Take time to read a book, pray, exercise, cut your phone and computer off, have a girls night, do anything that makes you happy! When you begin to have true love for yourself your whole life will begin to fall into place. We have to stop allowing men to have complete control of our thoughts and actions and begin to make room for ourselves...
Ok I don't even know where to start..But this is one of the best movies that I have ever seen!! If you are into indy and foreign movies this movie is a must see!! Cidade de De aka City of God is a housing project in Rio de Janeiro that was ran by drug lords. This movie spans through three decades of boys/men trying to be the "King" of the drug world in City of God. The main character is Buscape who is a photographer who is afraid to end up like the people that surrounds him and he tells the story of countless people who were involved in the drug trade. This movie will have your mouth open and begging the movie to keep going because you will not want it to end. The actors in the movie are beautiful, they act with passion!! An added bonus of the movie is the music which is a mix of African and Brazilian beats which makes the movie even more dramatic!! I would love to tell the whole plot of the movie but I can't becaue I am urging people to watch this movie!! This movie will show people a different side of the Brazil which is known for its beautiful beaches, great music, food, and of course its people! These people are not the people that tourists see these are the actual struggles for many people living in Brazil! The director of City of God did a fantastic job showing the gritty side of a beautiful place!
Life is so beautiful especially when I sit back and look at the beautiful things that exist around me....I'm not impressed by extravagance but by the simple things in life. I love when I wake up in the morning and my daughter says "Hi". I love when I walk outside and the sun is shining directly on me as if it is infusing me with positive energy! I know the world is not perfect and their are crazy things happening all around us but sometimes its great to focus on the wonders in and around our life. Even if you are upset by the happenings of day to day life try to focus on the beauty of the world everyday. Everyday I tell myself I will learn to love something to new in this mad world we live in.
"Just for today live your life as if you had nothing to lose"
Just for today smile, laugh, and tell everyone they are beautiful.
Today I was asked if I still breastfed my daughter who is almost one. I answered of course I do...I was looked at with confusion and the person reacted with laughter as if I was crazy!! I was a bit offended but I am use to some of these negative responses from some people. While I was pregnant I told people I planned on breastfeeding I thought I would be met with words of encouragement and maybe some support instead people were outright negative. I heard things such as, "You say that now" "Girl please that shit hurts!" "Why do you want to breastfeed" "Breastfeeding makes your titties sag". I was surprised because I thought breastfeeding was a beautiful thing and many women did not see it the same way I saw it. I was warned by a very supportive nurse that people would be very negative and that I should stick with my plans! Thank God for her kind words because she was right!! Black women unfortunately do not breastfeed as much as Hispanic or White women which is odd because Black women tend to have less money then their counterparts. Many Black women depend on WIC to supply them with formula and baby food until their baby is one. Without WIC alot of Black babies would starve and face many health complications. Besides WIC gives the worst infant formula Nesquick...which is known to cause many skin problems and digestive problems in infants!! I would think that Black women would be the first group of women to breastfeed their babies since the milk is free!! Besides programs like WIC does not give enough food for the entire month so the parent still has to buy formula which is usually locked behind a glass in many stores. It's funny how many women are quick to criticize women who breastfeed but never once looked on the back of formula and read the ingredients!! I am not knocking women who don't breastfeed I just hate when non-breastfeeding mothers criticize women who choose to breastfeed their children. Breastfeeding has many benefits that formula can never have, breastfeed babies on average get sick less, have higher IQ's, have a lower incidence of developing childhood cancers, and less allergic reactions.
Recently I read an article in the Metro that women are "embarassed" to breastfeed in the public!! I was saddened when I read this article, we live in a culture where women walk around with their cleavage, butt cracks, and everything else out and these women are never embrassed!! The same people who complain that breastfeeding in public is "nasty" are the same people who patronize magazines that exploit women!! Negative comments like the ones I received are some of the reasons why women are embarassed to breastfeed in public! Breastfeeding is a part of nature, when a women is pregnant and post partum her breasts fill with milk to nourish her child...so why should society make her ashamed of this?? To any women who is embarassed to breastfeed in public...You shouldn't be!! You are providing nourishment to your child to help them grow and if anyone has an issue with they should just simply look the other way!! I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding and if anyone needs any help with adjusting to it please contact me!!
My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard. ~David Allen
I am a big fan of indy movies especially foreign films! Today I watched the movie Osama which is a stunning yet sad movie about a family of women who are poor and makes their 12 year old daughter dress as a boy to get a job. The story is simple, the actors had no experience yet this movie has touched me deeply. The actors who acted in this movie were inspiring because they had witnessed evilness of the Taliban and they still hurt from the after effects. The Taliban had no respect for women at all and this movie can not even begin to show the heartless things that these men did to these innoncent women and children. One of the scenes in the movie I will never forget is when Osama's mother is on a bike and her feet are showing and the Taliban stops her and tell her men will be aroused and that she should cover her feet! Wow...It sounds minor but when you watch this scene of the movie you are brought to tears... Siddiq Barmak did a wonderful and brave job showcasing the evilness of the Taliban regime. When the Taliban were in power all movies were banned and this was the first movie to be made in Afghanistan after the Taliban were removed from power. If you are looking for a great movie watch that has inspirational actors and a great theme Osama is the movie for you.
I started my day off pretty simple...I decided to check my guilty pleasure mediatakeout...I was surprised by what I seen!!! Laurence Fishburne's 19 year old daughter is a porn star...So, I am like whatever mto you guys are always hyping things up!! But I was wrong Montana aka Chippy D is actually a porn star....
I have so many things to say that I don't know where to start...
First of all, Why does a 19 year old want to be a porn star?? Her answer was Kim Kardashian had so much success with her sex tape she thought it would be good if she had one.....Whoa.....did someone really just say that out their mouth??? Wow!! I could not believe what I had read!!! Kim K has inspired a girl who probably never had to work a day in her life to be a porn star! At first I was pretty pissed off at her answer then I began to actually feel bad for her. It's true if a star has a sex tape they are more popular and considered sexy! Kim K has really made a name for herself since her sex tape was "leaked"..she is on her own shows, she is constantly in the tabloids, she dated Reggie Bush (who is extra fine), she is on exercise ads and diet pill ads! In fact she is considered one of the hottest stars but I can't even remember what her special talent is!
But seriously, it's a shame that women think to become someone they have to sell sex. It is not Montana's fault that she believes that to become famous she has to sell sex, it is the fault of the media. The media is the biggest supporter of the over sexualization of women and even teen girls. The media is constantly showing women with "perfect" shapes, "perfect" teeth, "perfect" hair and "perfect" lives! The media is constantly showing women with their breasts, hips, butts, backs, and any other body part that can be shown on television. These images on t.v. are making young girls to older women believe they are not beautiful enough unless they show extra skin. How many times has the media talked about this story? But how many times has the media even mentioned something positive?? This story was even on CNN!!! Talk about the budget, war, Obama, education anything but Chippy D!!
It time for women to understand that we can be something without selling sex, that we can achieve anything without selling sex, and that we are perfect the way we are. When women start to over sexualize their selves our self worth goes down because we feel less comfortable with who we are. Do you want people to remember you for your good spirit or how well you shake your ass??
Now, Montana I doubt if you will ever see this blog but I pray that you see the light...Being a porn star will only make you famous b/c the whole world is seeing your body. Instead of being inspired by Kim K be inspired by women who are doing positive things in life. There are so many examples of beautiful women who make it without selling their soul and without selling sex.
"There is nothing in this world that you cannot do...when you believe in you"
Today I read some tragic news on CNN. Six teens drowned in Louisiana after they went into unfamiliar waters. http://www.ksla.com/Global/story.asp?S=12913620&hpt=T2 This isn't what I originally planned on blogging about today but this story has made me think about how African-Americans are more likely to drown than other racial groups. It is estimated that up to 60% of black children can't swim. These statistics are not only depressing but it sheds a light on issues in the community. There are many reasons that black children are not learning how to swim which include access to pools, ability to pay for private swim lessons, parents not learning how to swim, and of course hair. When I go to the pool in my neighborhood is shocking how many Indian and white children know how to swim and I have only seen three black children that actually know how to swim. Parents should start teaching their children how to swim at an early because these lessons may in fact one day save their lives. There are inexpensive and free places that teach children how to swim based on the households income. It is time that African-Americans start breaking these myths and encouraging our children to do other activities that may not be seen as "black". We should encourage our children to learn how to swim and not focus on them messing up their hair! Maybe if these teens knew how to swim we would be reading a different story filled with happiness instead of sadness. May these six teens rest in eternal peace and may their families be comforted remembering the lives they lived.
This is my first blog post and I am very excited and happy. I have been thinking of blogging for over a year now and now my journey begins. I will be blogging about anything and everything...from politics, jobs, hair, fashion, nails, food, whatever....I love to discuss anything...Please feel free to contact me with any suggestions or comments!
give me a minute to love you
