For Him

When I first read this poem it reminded me of Him..

Seduction by Nikki Giovanni

one day
you gonna walk in this house
and i'm gonna have on a long African
gown
you'll sit down and say "The Black...."
and i'm gonna take one arm out
then you-not noticing me at all-will say "What about
this brother...."
and i'm going to be slipping it over my head
and you'll rapp on about "The revolution..."
while i rest your hand against my stomach
you'll go on-as you always do-saying
"I just can't dig..."
while i'm moving your hand up and down
and i'll be taking your dashiki off
then you'll say "What we really need..."
and i'll be licking your arm
and "The way I see it we ought to..."
and unbuckling your pants
"And what about the situation..."
and taking your shorts off
then you'll notice
your state of undress
and knowing you'll just say
"Nikki (Tasha)
isn't this counterrevolutionary...?'

Oh I love this poem...It reminds me of Him so much!!

Love Hangover...

He was a "rapper", he had sexy lyrics and tight gear! Ahhh...I was 15...I thought I was in love with him from the beginning. I told my friend to "hook" me up with him...you see I was shy...I couldn't walk up to this guy and confess to him that I thought he was fly and I wanted to be his "shorty". She made the connect..we talked for hours and hours everyday. He lived two blocks from me...I would lie and say I was going to my friend house but would really go see him. Needless to say, teenage love doesn't last very long...he didn't really like me, he wanted to dig in my yams and say peace! This lasted for a while..back and forth...I was done with him...he hated me...I hated him...he loved me...I loved him! Teenage love is not a game to be played by the weak minded. This was the start to my love life...

He was tall, dark, sexy, hailed from the islands of Guadeloupe...spoke perfect French...claimed he was single! Damn...I was in love seriously this time..I never knew "love" like this before!! I was an emotional wreck, I loved and hated when I would see him. I would stare at him for what seemed like forever (5 seconds) and then look away, I would be become upset that he didn't notice me! He was on my mind constantly...I dreamed about us being together..holding hands, kissing, making love. I had to get his number somehow....A friend of mines made the connect...I was so nervous...my heart was beating fast..my face was twitching...he probably thought I was crazy! We talked on the phone..I could barely understood what he said half the time...his accent was so thick. He claimed he was single even though everyone else said he had  a girlfriend! I noticed that his phone calls were non existent on Saturdays and Sundays....Strangely I kept talking to him... I tolerated it because I thought I was cool since we had nothing sexual...How could it hurt me?? I was dead wrong! It all came out he had a girlfriend...I was hurt, saddened, my heart was on fire...I let him go and ran to a terror....

He wasn't my type at all....He was nice though and cooked well...I learned to like and love him...He was the total opposite of me..I wanted someone who understood me for who I was. He wanted to Christianize me...make me a good wife and mother material. I stayed for no apparent reasons....got pregnant...got married...it was torture...i cried...i was depressed....i wanted out. How could I leave? I didn't want to be a single mother? Divorced at my young age? How would I go on? Damn! Relationships do have a way of locking you into a tight box with no room to run...I hated my life. The drama started to unfold slowly at first then full force during my pregnancy. He would kick me out at 12am when I was pregnant...fight with me constantly, at one point I thought I would miscarry because we argued so much. I still stayed with him...afraid of what I would do if I did decide to leave him. I had my baby..shit got worse...things turned from bad to horrible...Verbal, mental, emotional, physical abuse started...I was fat, ugly, stupid, a loser, a bad mother, a racist, every name in the book...we would fight for hours...I wanted out...I left..I went back..I left...went back...I finally left for good...Haven't looked backed since....



Time passed I didn't disclose this news to alot of people..I just let people find out on their own



Anti-Death Penalty Rally



I was at an anti death penalty rally...my new interest was there! I had seen him a few times....very beautiful. I knew that day I wanted to get to know him...but I decided it wasn't yet time..I needed my time to myself. He ran through my mind at times..how couldn't he? I would see him from time to time, my heart was with the people but my eyes would be on him. He would stand tall, proud, he would shout loud....I would feel like a little girl...standing back with my mouth open and my heart skipping beats....Damn...he really has a hold on me...I secretly admired him..it was my secret..I liked it that way. The past showed me that men were always better when you looked from afar....Time passed...I'm at a rally...he is there...I smile at him..he smiles back....we walk for what seems like forever...everyone starts to leave...I can't keep my eyes off of him...It's time to go...I guess I will see him soon.."Hook me up sis"..."With who Natasha"..."With that beautiful brother"...."Seriously, Natasha?...Ok, I'll do it".................................Fast forward.....I know for a fact that I'm feeling him...He feeds me in many different ways..we struggle with each other, he rights my wrongs, he speaks kind words, he hugs me, kisses me..and is very honest with me....Of course things will never be perfect....he has his own issues....he needs time...I give him time...I know if his heart is in sync with mine...Our love will grow...I'm not afraid to lose him...I want him, but the timing has to be right...Until then I will continue to grow...If he comes around at the right time...I will welcome him with an open heart and open arms

Tweet----Always Will

Missing my blog

Lately I haven't been as inspired to blog..I dont know why..so much is constantly going on. I learning more about me..I want to blog about it (sometimes), but I don't no where to start!

Walls....

He tells me that he loves me

He tells me that I'm beautiful

He tells me that I'm a good mother

He tells me that I'm what he has been looking for...

I look down at my freshly painted finger nails, roll my eyes, twist my lips, and suck my teeth...Not because I don't accept his compliments but because I'm afraid to give in! He tells me that I have walls built up around me that I use to defend myself... but these walls are also a comforting measure. When everything around me starts to fall down...my walls are like crutches for me to lean on...they preserve me...they prevent me from falling to far to the ground. I kind of like my walls...but I know that I will have to lower them (with caution) as time goes on. It's even hard for me to give in and admit I love this man...I tell myself I can't it's too soon, I need to becareful, he might hurt me. I must admit..I tell him I love him, even though at times it can be scary, but last night I held him for a long time and I knew with all my being that he is the right one. People may be skeptical, doubtful, unsupportive, or down right mean and think he is not good for me..but in my heart I believe he is perfect. He has the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen..it's full of love, sincerity, and sexiness! Some men have came and they all have went..but HIM...I'm keeping close by. The only issue is these walls I have built..they are preventing me from giving my all, from allowing myself to be the loving women I can be, they are stopping me from getting closer to HIM. Im sure in time they will start to come down..I believe that I have already let them begin to come down..becasue he holds a special place in my heart....

I tell him that I love him

I tell him that I want him around

I tell him his presence is always appreciated

I tell him that he makes my heart happy

Selfish-by Jill Scott

Here I go with my love stuff again...I like this poem by Jill and I wanted to share!

give me a minute to love you

an hour to stare in your face

a moment to praise your nose

your hands, your lips, your eyes

don't say later

don't say tomorrow

because the day's too busy
because the day's too hurried

too demanding

give me a week to hold you

a second to play in your lashes

a night to kiss your forehead

Your back, your feet, your fingers

Don't say you're tired

Don't say your anxious

because the world is calling

because the world is heavy

Ever present

just let me soothe you

let me put you in my mouth and hum sweet tunes

let me calm that ocean

give me a day

give me four and more

to ease and please you

let me take that chip from your shoulder

place it on the nightstand for a while

because you're lonely

and

I am too

This poem is too beautiful! Go Jill

Love Strung...

Loving Me!

"Love is being still enough to feel all that is going on inside you and then learning how to acknowledge and accept what you feel"- Iyanla Vanzant

Last night my friend and I got on the topic of LOVE! I am not sure how we actually got on this topic but we had a great discussion about love. I have to admit I am obsessed with love songs, love stories, and anything that about the topic of love...Everyday I post a love song on my facebook page because I believe that I should promote self love and hopefully people will recognize this and spread their love wings to everyone else in their circle.

Right now I'm reading "In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want" by Iyanla Vanzant. This book is a wonderful book and each page speaks directly to me and makes my eyes flow with tears of pain and joy. She gives various examples of how she searched for love in relationships with different people and it reminded me of myself and my quest for love. So many times we look for love in our daily lives and we fell to find it, this leads to continued disappointment which allows us to believe that we are unworthy of love. But that is far from the truth...we should never search for love in others without discovering the love we have in ourselves. The reality is that we can not get love from the outside with discovering the love on the inside! So many times we get into relationships looking for love, happiness, peace, etc...when we have not even tried to find these things in ourselves.  Before we get into any kind of relationship we should love our self and be happy with our self.  If not we will suffer because we will not even know what love is and we will accept anything for the sake of "love".  Once you find that love in yourself that brings that inner peace, your search for love in someone else is not that important. 

It took me a while to truly discover what "love" is...I believed if someone made sacrifices for you it was love, if someone "accepted" your flaws it was love, if someone told you that you were beautiful it was love....But I was wrong...At first I was disappointed that I failed at my attempt to find love...then I realized that I didn't fail but I was actually on a quest to find out what love was. Sometimes on your quest you will run into people who you believe at first then find out the truth later...but a lesson learned is never a mistake. Now when I go into any relationship I will not go into it looking for love but bringing love with me. I will keep my values, my life, my purposes, my goals, my respect, my excitement, most importantly I will keep myself. I will not let love uproot me and turn my life upside down ever again, I will not let love keep me away from friends, I will not love force me into false ideologies and beliefs, I will not let love abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally...I will let love bring a purpose, vision, values and most importantly happiness.

"The truth is that love is buried in your soul, and no relationship with anyone can unearth it or activate it in your life"- Iynala Vanzant

The first time ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave To the dark and the end of the skies The first time ever I kissed your mouth I felt the earth move in my hand Like the trembling heart of a captive bird That was there at my command...my love The first time ever I lay with you And felt your heart so close to mine And I knew our joy would fill the earth And last 'til the end of time...my love

I love this song! This is love right here!

Movies-Night Catches Us

Synopsis: In 1976, after years of mysterious absence, Marcus  returns to the Philadelphia neighborhood where he came of age in the midst of the Black Power movement. While his arrival raises suspicion among his family and former neighbors, he finds acceptance from his old friend Patricia and her daughter. However, Marcus quickly finds himself at odds with the organization he once embraced, whose members suspect he orchestrated the slaying of their former comrade-in-arms. In a startling sequence of events, Marcus must protect a secret that could shatter everyone's beliefs as he rediscovers his forbidden passion for Patricia.


Anyone who reads my blog or has any connection to me knows that I am an indy film junkie. I love indy movies because the passion from the charactes is utterly amazing and sends chills up my spine....This movie was great...shorter than I thought it would be though! I have to give much respect for first time director Tanya Hamilton a beautiful Black woman who wrote and directed this film. The soundtrack for this movie is one of the best soundtracks I have ever heard in a movie. I am still debating between Slumdog's soundtrak and this one! The music is a mixture of soul, blues, and hip hop courtesy of Philly's own The Roots. 
 
This film is based on a cast of characters who all had or still have involvment in the Black Panther Party.  The charaters have changed and some have grew out of the movement which breeds some resentment and emotions amongst everyone.  Anthony Mackie is brilliant in this film, he is very intense and serious throughout the film and you can actually feel the love he has for Kerry Washington even though he never mentions it.  Kerry Washington is very sweet in the movie but she has a sterness when it comes to old ideas of the party because she is not with them anymore. Kerry Washington is also a loving mother and community lawyer who helps individuals with their cases, feeds children in the community, while also being a loving and protective mother. Even though Kerry isn't with the Panthers anymore she still embodies many of their beliefs about giving back to the community. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Kerry and Anthony let down their walls and actually make love. The love scene is so beautiful and romantic that you forget all the serious issues that are happening in the movie.
 
If you have not seen this movie then you should make your way to the theater and check it out. Firstly, the director and cast is all Black so we should support our Black film makers who are actually making film, secondly, the movie is fantastic and the actors/actresses are moving, thirdly the soundtrack is dope and you will be jamming in the movies.
 

Peace