"Love is being still enough to feel all that is going on inside you and then learning how to acknowledge and accept what you feel"- Iyanla Vanzant
Last night my friend and I got on the topic of LOVE! I am not sure how we actually got on this topic but we had a great discussion about love. I have to admit I am obsessed with love songs, love stories, and anything that about the topic of love...Everyday I post a love song on my facebook page because I believe that I should promote self love and hopefully people will recognize this and spread their love wings to everyone else in their circle.
Right now I'm reading "In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want" by Iyanla Vanzant. This book is a wonderful book and each page speaks directly to me and makes my eyes flow with tears of pain and joy. She gives various examples of how she searched for love in relationships with different people and it reminded me of myself and my quest for love. So many times we look for love in our daily lives and we fell to find it, this leads to continued disappointment which allows us to believe that we are unworthy of love. But that is far from the truth...we should never search for love in others without discovering the love we have in ourselves. The reality is that we can not get love from the outside with discovering the love on the inside! So many times we get into relationships looking for love, happiness, peace, etc...when we have not even tried to find these things in ourselves. Before we get into any kind of relationship we should love our self and be happy with our self. If not we will suffer because we will not even know what love is and we will accept anything for the sake of "love". Once you find that love in yourself that brings that inner peace, your search for love in someone else is not that important.
It took me a while to truly discover what "love" is...I believed if someone made sacrifices for you it was love, if someone "accepted" your flaws it was love, if someone told you that you were beautiful it was love....But I was wrong...At first I was disappointed that I failed at my attempt to find love...then I realized that I didn't fail but I was actually on a quest to find out what love was. Sometimes on your quest you will run into people who you believe at first then find out the truth later...but a lesson learned is never a mistake. Now when I go into any relationship I will not go into it looking for love but bringing love with me. I will keep my values, my life, my purposes, my goals, my respect, my excitement, most importantly I will keep myself. I will not let love uproot me and turn my life upside down ever again, I will not let love keep me away from friends, I will not love force me into false ideologies and beliefs, I will not let love abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally...I will let love bring a purpose, vision, values and most importantly happiness.
"The truth is that love is buried in your soul, and no relationship with anyone can unearth it or activate it in your life"- Iynala Vanzant
The first time ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave To the dark and the end of the skies The first time ever I kissed your mouth I felt the earth move in my hand Like the trembling heart of a captive bird That was there at my command...my love The first time ever I lay with you And felt your heart so close to mine And I knew our joy would fill the earth And last 'til the end of time...my love
Synopsis: In 1976, after years of mysterious absence, Marcus returns to the Philadelphia neighborhood where he came of age in the midst of the Black Power movement. While his arrival raises suspicion among his family and former neighbors, he finds acceptance from his old friend Patricia and her daughter. However, Marcus quickly finds himself at odds with the organization he once embraced, whose members suspect he orchestrated the slaying of their former comrade-in-arms. In a startling sequence of events, Marcus must protect a secret that could shatter everyone's beliefs as he rediscovers his forbidden passion for Patricia.
Anyone who reads my blog or has any connection to me knows that I am an indy film junkie. I love indy movies because the passion from the charactes is utterly amazing and sends chills up my spine....This movie was great...shorter than I thought it would be though! I have to give much respect for first time director Tanya Hamilton a beautiful Black woman who wrote and directed this film. The soundtrack for this movie is one of the best soundtracks I have ever heard in a movie. I am still debating between Slumdog's soundtrak and this one! The music is a mixture of soul, blues, and hip hop courtesy of Philly's own The Roots.
This film is based on a cast of characters who all had or still have involvment in the Black Panther Party. The charaters have changed and some have grew out of the movement which breeds some resentment and emotions amongst everyone. Anthony Mackie is brilliant in this film, he is very intense and serious throughout the film and you can actually feel the love he has for Kerry Washington even though he never mentions it. Kerry Washington is very sweet in the movie but she has a sterness when it comes to old ideas of the party because she is not with them anymore. Kerry Washington is also a loving mother and community lawyer who helps individuals with their cases, feeds children in the community, while also being a loving and protective mother. Even though Kerry isn't with the Panthers anymore she still embodies many of their beliefs about giving back to the community. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Kerry and Anthony let down their walls and actually make love. The love scene is so beautiful and romantic that you forget all the serious issues that are happening in the movie.
If you have not seen this movie then you should make your way to the theater and check it out. Firstly, the director and cast is all Black so we should support our Black film makers who are actually making film, secondly, the movie is fantastic and the actors/actresses are moving, thirdly the soundtrack is dope and you will be jamming in the movies.
My friend Iresha is a dope sista! She came up with brilliant idea for us and whoever wants join us to go out to Lancaster Avenue and hand out inspirational reading materials to Black women. We will be doing this every other Saturday (weather permitting) in different locations around Philadelphia! We hope to inspire many Black women to love, learn, give, and hope! Many times we preach to the choir about certain issues, but what about the people who are not on the choir, who ever finds them. This is our mission to find the "average" sista walking down the street with her children, from the grocery store, on her way to work etc...I normally would say I hope everything works out...but an idea this beautiful only can work out! If you are in the Philly area please join us and if you are not in the area think about how you can reach your sistas!
There are times when I close my mouth and hold my breath because I am afraid for someone to even here me breathe let alone speak! I battle with myself over this...I feel like I have many great thoughts, ideas, visions, dreams, etc...that I can tell people about. My insecurities hold me back from achieving greatness and probably from inspiring others. Throughout my life I had to deal with all my insercurities and feelings of not being "good" enough. At one point I hated my freckles, my hair, my hairy legs, my feet, my voice, and so many other qualities about myself....I have now come to the point where I love myself and my body most of the time! After having a baby, my stomach was not what it was and for a while even up to now I still struggle with this issue but I remind myself that I am beautiful every day. It's so important as Black women that we do remind ourselves and each other of how beautiful we are because society tells us to hate ourselves for who we really are. I'm tired of being insecure and holding back, I want to be free and be able to say how I feel without being afraid of what may happen. I want to be able to scream to the top of my lungs and stomp hard with the soles of my feet. I want to break free from all these insecure ways and stop doubting myself...I want to be me. I hold a light in my heart and in 2011 I will let it shine.....Peace
Time has passed so much since I wrote my last blog entry. I have done some things and watched a few good movies. I really missed my blog...this is my outlet. I need to take time to write on my blog at least a few times a week!! Im on my phone typing this write now so hopefully everything is spelled correctly!! Anyway I cant wait until the new year because I will be updating and doing some new things with my life and of course my blog... Stay tuned I have movie reviews, random blogs, and some touching stories to share. Peace
give me a minute to love you
