Right now I'm reading "In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want" by Iyanla Vanzant. This book is a wonderful book and each page speaks directly to me and makes my eyes flow with tears of pain and joy. She gives various examples of how she searched for love in relationships with different people and it reminded me of myself and my quest for love. So many times we look for love in our daily lives and we fell to find it, this leads to continued disappointment which allows us to believe that we are unworthy of love. But that is far from the truth...we should never search for love in others without discovering the love we have in ourselves. The reality is that we can not get love from the outside with discovering the love on the inside! So many times we get into relationships looking for love, happiness, peace, etc...when we have not even tried to find these things in ourselves. Before we get into any kind of relationship we should love our self and be happy with our self. If not we will suffer because we will not even know what love is and we will accept anything for the sake of "love". Once you find that love in yourself that brings that inner peace, your search for love in someone else is not that important.
It took me a while to truly discover what "love" is...I believed if someone made sacrifices for you it was love, if someone "accepted" your flaws it was love, if someone told you that you were beautiful it was love....But I was wrong...At first I was disappointed that I failed at my attempt to find love...then I realized that I didn't fail but I was actually on a quest to find out what love was. Sometimes on your quest you will run into people who you believe at first then find out the truth later...but a lesson learned is never a mistake. Now when I go into any relationship I will not go into it looking for love but bringing love with me. I will keep my values, my life, my purposes, my goals, my respect, my excitement, most importantly I will keep myself. I will not let love uproot me and turn my life upside down ever again, I will not let love keep me away from friends, I will not love force me into false ideologies and beliefs, I will not let love abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally...I will let love bring a purpose, vision, values and most importantly happiness.
"The truth is that love is buried in your soul, and no relationship with anyone can unearth it or activate it in your life"- Iynala Vanzant